The Backbencher

Within the Backbencher pub

punters find MPs to drub,

but the place is booked out

for TV and devout

supporters of Cabinet Club.

MMP

Under MMP it is said

Good government's sadly long dead

But naysayers are

Bygones from afar

Seeing blue and occasionally red.

Road Safety

A generic Green voter

trades his trusty motor

for a bike that can go

mind numbingly slow

and now he's a nuisance road blocker!

The Dole

Those that sit on the dole

Are told they are killing the soul

Of the hard working nation

They've abandoned their station

Return to the slick greasy pole!

Rhyme for the home boozer.

Mix a concoction of spirits,

Throw back a beaker or two.

Discard the ruinous ice bits,

They'll send you straight to the loo.

Pawn off a tipple to Granny,

She's off to a sonorous nap.

Old Pop prefers old sherry,

So sugar it till it's a sweet sap.

Keep some in the fridge for the morrow,

Comes in handy for polishing shoes.

With the rest it is best to drown your sorrow,

And be happy you've run out of booze.

Sketchy MPs

Someone once told me that they

slept all through election day,

despite missing the stump,

claimed notorious triumph

and receive ignominious pay!

Thinking grammatically.

In times when you feel up is down,

and your mood causes others to frown;

don't sink into gloom,

get out of your room,

and focus on the verb not the noun. 

Hangover

A boundless feeling of dread

Awakes me to morning in bed

Would that I could rise

Sans last night in my eyes

My brain a dry sponge in my head.

Fracture

A fractured bone gives a dull ache

Encased in a sturdy cast cake,

To make it more fun

The bright summer’s sun

Is rendered quite dull and opaque.

Ranking Composers

Schubert, Debussy, and Bach

are ranked below Wolfgang Mozart,

but they couldn't care less 

for such popularity contests,

only Salieri took it to heart.

Mel Gibson II

Devout Mel sits on the pew

this drunken day he'll now rue

for he beat up Oksana

gave the finger to Allah

and said something bad to a Jew.

Mel Gibson I

A drunken Aussie called Mel

did not want to end up in hell

so born again he

took scripture literally

and that's how his big career fell.

Viagra

An impotent chap is oft glum

He simply can't fire his gun

But there is an answer

(Still no cure for cancer)

The chaps can stand-to and have fun.

Summer's Gone

The first flatmate to leave was dear Summer

For us it was quite a bummer

There's now just us four

Reduced to a bore

And the conversation is dumber.

Hitch

McEwan, Rushdie, and Martin Amis

for their books are rightly famous

but their sway is just a minor itch

when compared to the most mighty Hitch

an icon and legend gone amiss. 

The Northern Farmer

A farmer from further up north

caught a beloved cow setting forth

it knew his infidelity

with a sheep and summarily

filed for a swift divorce

Margaret Thatcher

The Honourable late Margaret Thatcher

was lady of enormous stature,

killed by a stroke

her mind finally broke

twas the end of the iron dispatcher.

PM II

Failing to figure out why

the GCSB has to spy,

John Key the great leader

walks of the theatre,

before he’s forced into a lie.

I am the King of China

I am the King of China

and I’m seldom ever bored.

I take handsome courtiers

and stick them with my sword.

The Eastern Front

The Russian’s have figured it out

They made Napoleon rout

The same with Hitler

Everyone becomes bitter

In the wasteland with nothing to flout.