Fracture

A fractured bone gives a dull ache

Encased in a sturdy cast cake,

To make it more fun

The bright summer’s sun

Is rendered quite dull and opaque.

Ranking Composers

Schubert, Debussy, and Bach

are ranked below Wolfgang Mozart,

but they couldn't care less 

for such popularity contests,

only Salieri took it to heart.

Mel Gibson II

Devout Mel sits on the pew

this drunken day he'll now rue

for he beat up Oksana

gave the finger to Allah

and said something bad to a Jew.

Mel Gibson I

A drunken Aussie called Mel

did not want to end up in hell

so born again he

took scripture literally

and that's how his big career fell.

Viagra

An impotent chap is oft glum

He simply can't fire his gun

But there is an answer

(Still no cure for cancer)

The chaps can stand-to and have fun.

Summer's Gone

The first flatmate to leave was dear Summer

For us it was quite a bummer

There's now just us four

Reduced to a bore

And the conversation is dumber.

Hitch

McEwan, Rushdie, and Martin Amis

for their books are rightly famous

but their sway is just a minor itch

when compared to the most mighty Hitch

an icon and legend gone amiss. 

The Northern Farmer

A farmer from further up north

caught a beloved cow setting forth

it knew his infidelity

with a sheep and summarily

filed for a swift divorce

Margaret Thatcher

The Honourable late Margaret Thatcher

was lady of enormous stature,

killed by a stroke

her mind finally broke

twas the end of the iron dispatcher.

PM II

Failing to figure out why

the GCSB has to spy,

John Key the great leader

walks of the theatre,

before he’s forced into a lie.

I am the King of China

I am the King of China

and I’m seldom ever bored.

I take handsome courtiers

and stick them with my sword.

The Eastern Front

The Russian’s have figured it out

They made Napoleon rout

The same with Hitler

Everyone becomes bitter

In the wasteland with nothing to flout.

Politics

Great capitals all have their pigeons

Big banks and tawdry religions

The statesmen conspire

To steal the entire

Wolds treasure and feed their addictions.

PM

Prime Minister John Philip Key

said he's had a vasectomy

for this we give thanks

for he's just shooting blanks

and comes home with sterility.

Young Kurt

A filthy young fellow named Kurt

stole a date with the sister of Burt

his heart gave a flutter

and he started to stutter

when he got a quick glimpse up her skirt.

Game of Thrones III

A cunning old blondie named Tywin

resented his son for his sizin',

but Tyrion was a bit bigger

for whores he could trigger

to shriek he was taller than Tywin.

President Obama

President Barack Obama

took the credit for killing Osama

so the old grumps in Congress

would feel even more arm-less

he went north-west to smoke marijuana.

Act Party

An intern for a party called Act

decided to try and get sacked

for he walked in to see the

most honourable leader

and saw he was really a hack.

Elvis

King Elvis loved drugs and food

sometimes he could be rather rude

he died at 42

while expelling a poo

and was found on the floor in the nude.

The Crooner

A funky old crooner named Larry

Took a fancy to the wife of old Barry,

He wanted her badly

To make love to her madly

So he split them by seducing Barry.

Chlamydia

Chlamydia really does suck

when its spread by a mayoral lame duck

we all know these officials

have their strange and lewd rituals

so frequently down in the muck.

A Deep South Do

Young Samuel attended a do

with Kingsley, Georgia, and Sue

twas fun in the dancing

and underwear prancing,

but Kingsley was brother to Sue.

Another Game of Thrones verse

Ned Stark was idly humming 

that winter surely is coming,

he needn't have cared,

he wouldn't be spared,

for the chop brought an end to his humming.

The Study of Religion

To study religion and fate

morality always comes late

no matter the creed

it's all about greed,

poverty, dogma, and hate.

Madame Hadslow

Madame Hadslow had a great arse,

admirers never were sparse,

when she entered a room

they'd all gasp and swoon,

but her bust was a laughable farce.

Game of Thrones

There was an old merchant form Qarth

bought a dragon just for a laugh

on a hot desert night

it gave him a bite

and now he's called Brienne of Tarth

Mayor named Len

There once was a Mayor named Len

who stepped into hot water when

he got a young thing to ram

and gave her the clam

while being elected again.